Sunday, September 16, 2007

Bijou

I really miss my buddy. Bijou and I were together for 12.5 yrs. I got him when he was about 6 months old. A funny looking mix of chow and golden retriever. Bijou grew into a charming best friend who ruled my world. For the best year and half, he was having problems with a bad back and knees. We had managed to keep him comfortable with medication. I actually thought he was doing better. He was running around playing with toys one day and then the next he was having a bad day. Just before labor day weekend, it had gotten pretty bad for him. I had come home to find him walking the floor in pain which was the third time in about a week. After a couple of trips to the vet and a couple of trips to the emergency vet trying to manage his pain over the past week. It came time to make the tough decision. He had walked the floor all night and he was unconsolable. He was refusing to eat which was rare. He would try to sit or lay down and he was backup with in a few minutes. A pain patch put on Tuesday, was supose to last 3 days, and it wore off some time during the day on Wednesday while I was at work. The meds I gave him when I got home did not help. We took a trip at midnight to the emergency vet for a morphine shot that did not seem to phase him. Bijou walked the floor all night. He could have more meds at 6am. I knew I could not stand to see him have another night like this. Even if we nursed him through this episode, it was probably going to happen again in a few months because the disc problems he had were to extensive.

I called my Mom and told her we were going to the vet that Thursday morning and I was afraid that the vet would say there was nothing more that could be done. She said she would be over to go to the vet with me.

It had been 100 degree days for about a month and Bijou had not been able to stay outside too much because of all the hair he had. That Thursday morning, it had actually cooled off. Just before it was time to leave, he lay down on the back porch. He was either worn out or medicine finally kick-in. He may have known this may be the last time. We had tried to get him to get in the car, he always liked to go for a ride and it never took much to get him to go. But that morning, he just lay there watching the walkers pass by and birds and squirrels playing around him. We were really not in a hurry so I just let him enjoy the time. He seemed to drift off to sleep while I cried thinking about what may have to come next. He woke up and we got him to the car.

It took longer to make the decision about putting him to sleep, cremation and choosing a container than it took for Bijou to go to sleep for the last time. Mother and I stayed with him until they said his heart had stopped. The vets and staff were very kind to us. I came home and packed all his stuff up and cried some more. Sorted out what would go to the attic and what would go to the local animal shelter.

I have kept busy since then and today was a quite day and I have been thinking about him alot. Before getting up from the chair or bed, I would always look to see where he was so I would not step on him and I still find myself looking down where he should be laying before I get up. There are crumbs on the floor because he is not there to catch them before they hit the floor. I find myself thinking I should be doing something and it would be the time we had a routine of going out or getting a treat.

Forever in my heart.